Trying Something New

I called my boss – just minutes ago – apparently it’s my fault that I’m doing overtime. I ended up crying, what’s new? She made me sound like I’m not good enough. Thanks a-fucking-lot! Should she have someone show me what to do? I beg your fucking pardon!?! She reckons I have less work than everyone else. I don’t think so. My job is spread over a bigger area AND I have people around and they turn the lights off in some areas after 7. How is that easier? She’s going to let me try working on two different floors tonight. (No lifts, ha!) See if that makes a difference. I just want my money! I’m too upset. I’m so angry too.

UPDATE:
Rather than write another boring post about work I'll say in the end I didn't get to do two new floors. But I was all right with that because I thought doing something new would just slow me down anyway. Plus I didn't want to on Friday night because I am going to a gig after work with a friend. I know how to "cheat" and cut corners in my area.

My boss was sort of nice to me when I got to work. She's happy with my work but basically I will NEVER get paid any overtime unless it's a specific extra task they've asked me to do. Bugger! I just have to let it go. I'm still going to get cross and sad about my job but I've done all I can for the time being.

Time to look forward to good things coming up, like Terry's visit this weekend. I'm nervous, of course, but at the same time I did go get myself some sexy underwear. It's from K-Mart but give me a break I'm only a part time cleaner. A girl who's doing ALL the Christmas shopping because she's a fool and can't help getting sucked up into the excitement and build-up to a day that almost never fails to disappoint. [Yea!]

What I really hate is I don't get a Christmas holiday; just the public holidays and weekends. As they overlap this year I may not get the extra day off that Boxing Day would normally allow. I really should find out about that.

"It's most the wonderful time of the year!" (Or is it marvelous? Shit. Magical?)

xox Amy

Learning By Rote

I had a lovely surprise in chat yesterday afternoon. I bumped into a man I met a long time ago and thought I’d lost touch with when he made the big move to the country. He was the first man I ever met from chat and yes my first sexual encounter. (So I’ll never forget him). We reminisced a bit online and he asked about my sex life. I usually want to scream when people ask me that in chat but with old friends it's not so bad. I don't often have a positive response but still we chatted on. I told him about my blogs. That's one why to catch up! (So if you come back for more this one's for you. Kiss). He makes me feel a bit better about being so weird and repressed. Reminds me there's a lot of other sensual things to do in bed.

It was quite a journey to visit him at his home during his lunch hour. I can’t remember if he knew I was a virgin or not. (I do know the guy I lost my virginity to didn’t know until some time later). I think we must have had some rapport going if I felt “safe” enough to take the risk of visiting him. (Okay, maybe I was just REALLY horny and wanted to kick start my sex life). He offered me oral sex. That was scary but seemed less scary then intercourse. (I still have trouble asking a guy to wear a condom).

He wasn't sure I was going to show up. (I wasn't either). But I got there and was waiting in his drive way. (How cute). We went in. I don't know what we said. It was so long ago and he didn't have much time so we got straight to it. I sat on the couch and he pulled my pants and undies off and dove right in. I had no idea what it would be like but it felt amazing. In retrospect going in without expectations helped a lot. I don't think I had an orgasm but it really was an amazing feeling. I was pretty terrified. I wouldn't have minded a kiss or more but I just didn't know what to do and was too shy to do anything anyway. He went to the kitchen for some water and later I found out a wank to relieve himself. I'd never seen or touched a penis I couldn't do that to him then. It was all too much. I was still surprised to find myself there half naked. I'm sorry I couldn't handle doing more but I also really enjoyed what you did for me.

His last name is Rote; what a gift for a writer! How could I not use that heading? This one’s for you Mr Rote! As you can see I’m still learning.

Jokes aside maybe repetition would do me well, a bit of sexercise, if you will. I never seem to have enough time or a regular enough partner to learn with and so almost every sexual encounter is like starting at all over again. Difficult and nerve wrecking! I’m not cut out for quickies. I take time, and perhaps too much effort. Sigh.

It was quite a while before I met up with Rote again. We still didn't have sex but we had a very nice time touching and kissing each other. I returned the favour that time too.

By the way, it was bloody hard finding a photo of a man going down on a woman. Blow jobs, no problem! The search wasn’t without its pleasures, a quick rub and a sigh of relief, but still let’s give women what they want too! Pussy Power!

Mr Rote looks a lot better than that guy, but as I say it was hard to find what I want and I did want an older guy with a younger woman. (Her body's way nicer than mine. That was going to be implied but I felt compelled to point it out anyway). He has long blonde hair and a beard. Like a great big, hairy Viking as I explained to a close girlfriend at the time. I hope he doesn’t mind the description. I find facial hair very sexy; even a bit of stubble when I’m kissing someone feels very nice. A bread and oral sex though! Lick and tickle me happy.

Yes, I'm sure I can be better and happier with sex if I had the time and the right partner(s). I wish I didn't need my hand held so much but it seems to be who I am at this stage in my life. I want sex to be good and I want to be good at sex.

Best Laid Plans

I can’t remember when I met Garry. I know it was in chat. I do remember it took me a while to meet him in person and I was at my old cleaning job at the time. I chickened out the first time. I don’t usually do that. I knew it would be awkward but there was something about meeting outside the building he was working in that freaked me out. I did walk past it before sending a text at the tram stop saying “I can’t do it!” It was only for a coffee and to meet. I made it the next time. Highpoint right Gaz?

We’ve had coffee quite a few times over the years. It’s only this year that I thought maybe I could do more. However I still have so many issues regarding sex, nakedness and my body that I knew I couldn’t just do it with Garry. Besides we don’t have anywhere decent and private to do it.

It got me thinking about what I am good at: kissing and oral. But where could we do that? I’m not comfortable with Public Displays of Affection (PDA) at the best of times but with an older man I feel even more awkward about it. (How long did it take to get a hug Garry?) So no kissing in public! Where could we go? There must be somewhere at one of the various work sites. A stock room perhaps? A toilet? Yeah! A disabled one they’re roomy. And more importantly they have a lock on the door.

I could kiss behind closed doors. If there was room I could go down on him. But I still have issues. I can’t make eye contact. How blind are you without the glasses? Would you wear a blindfold? (These questions were answered last time we met). I’m sorry but I AM shy. The idea was perhaps this way I could get a proper look at his body. (I tend to close my eyes as soon as I can when I’m getting intimate with a man). Could I give a cock a “worshipful caress” as read about in erotic romance novels, if I was at ease? That is not being watched. I know Garry would like to watch and I understand how that’s exciting but I was hoping the novelty of being blindfolded with a totally repressed and sexually shy person who’s still willing to go down on you would be exciting enough. Almost kinky; work with me here!

When I decided this was as far as I could comfortably go and that yes I would like to take things a bit further, I sent Garry this text: Find me a room you can lock from the inside and I will give you something to blog about. You have to do what I say though. See I was setting the dominate, exciting, scene.

That Friday I went into the city thinking I would do these things with Garry. As it turned out we only kissed, but that’s fine with me. You’ll have to ask Garry if it was good for him, (worth the wait). I was happy because I really wanted to kiss that day. I could have done more (I was “prepared” as I ever am to do more). I’m okay that it was just kissing. Love biting a bottom lip or having mine bitten. As for the other stuff, it was just a thought – I was a woman with a plan - to see if it would improve the experience for me. Maybe even make me more confident to play with a man’s body. (That would be so nice). Could I look at and appreciate a man’s body better this way? Watching me, watching you, there is nothing I would rather NOT do.

To be honest I don’t find genitalia that exciting. I’ve only ever looked at pornographic images, wasting my opportunities in person. I catch glimpses and cop feels but...it’s not done with confidence, comfort and complete desire.

I was in a good mood at work that night; couldn’t stop thinking about our meeting. When I cleaned the disabled toilets on level one I found stockings in the bin. Was someone playing a similar game at work that very day? God I don’t want to think about it. It nauseating enough seeing the couple at work. Like watching your parents. Gross!!! Anyway! I even found myself singing Kiss Me Like You Mean It by The Magnetic Fields. Not one of their best songs, and she’s rather passive in it, but it seemed right at the time. The fact that there aren’t many words to it helped as well.

Now on to more mundane things: work. I don’t really want to talk about it but things have happened since my last post. I did manage to see Geraldine at work and she did lose her mobile. (She informed me she got my email but she never replied to it. Hmm). She told me the afternoon shift at RMIT was still there but she’d have to talk to her boss about it. There might be a slight change in the days I’d be working. Well I went to bed when I got home – I had to get up really early to catch her - and I’d left my mobile off. When I turned it back on I had a message from Geraldine saying her boss didn’t want to hire a woman for this job because I’d have to clean male toilets. Um, excuse me but I do this at my current job. (http://wastetimetogether.blogspot.com/2009/08/makes-grown-men-blush.html)

My mum said that’s sexist and they can’t do that. I guess it is but I don’t know if I’m going to fight for it. There is still my old early morning shift. I’m tempted. I want more money and to lose weight. I can only do that if forced to exercise. I’m depressed eating, or that’s what it feels like. I want to move out. That would starve me. I’ve looked at places to rent in my area or closer to the city and it’s two thirds of my pay. Can I live on just over a $100 a week? Do I “live” now? Ha! No I think I am trapped in this job for a while longer. Help! So much for having plans.