TGIF

Am I right or am I right?

This morning I wasn't really in the mood for work but I dragged my sorry arse in. I even ended up getting there early. It's now my seventh day on the job. And so far I've been stressing myself out over my anxiety to ask questions when I need assistance. It would be good if I could say my training just went out the window but that would mean I left training actually trained. If you knew how much I was freaking out during that. Like, I know it is okay to cry, but man in training in front of your team mates it's just embarrassing! In my defence it was near the end of a very long day that had left me feeling steadily worse.

I closed an order tonight, and I think I did it as well as I could. :-) You'll have to excuse me this sounds like my therapy talking but I actually feel like I achieved something at work today. It did take the asking that I was too scared to do in the first place but I don't care. As long as I survive this, (six month contract), long enough to feel comfortable with what I am doing. I'm picking up little things from re-doing my work. And it's a bit easier asking for help now. I have been feeling guilty for wasting company time. (Which I would be doing right now if I hadn't closed that order; I'm technically free to do what I want as long as I look busy and don't look up porn on the Internet. To ease us into the job our daily target is one contract a day. After which is free time).

It's nice to be in a better mood. Fridays are good by nature but I'm feeling a bit better about myself at work. Not like last Friday when my joy sprang from the fact I was getting away from it because I didn't think I could cope another day.

Time To Go

I'm thinking of moving on. Getting rid of this blog and my other equally popular one Talk TV, which isn't about the highs and lows of being a transvestite. If it had been it may have really sparked some interest. A small but dedicated following! (Not much to ask).

It's not that I have anything against the idea of writing. In fact when I'm "in the zone" I really enjoy it. But blogging has NOT been what I was expecting, nay hoping, for.

My life's changed dramatically in the last two months so I don't even know if I want to continue writing under the loose headings I had in mind for either blog. There's been events in those past two months where I thought I could write something but if I didn't do it then and there it seemed to lose its meaning to me. So really now I'm just trying to think of a way to express myself that I find satisfying.