Liar, liar! (I'm tempted to set his pants on fire).

Oh you shouldn't have kissed me and got me so excited
And when you asked me out I really was delighted. --- That's one thing I love about Kirsty MacColl she has lyrics for every occasion.

This post is mostly based on notes I made at the time. Although I've tried to keep it true to the original, hindsight has the nasty habit of creeping in.

Bit of background to start.
I met this guy at my hostel in Edinburgh on Friday October 16 at 2.30ish in the morning. I just thought he was being friendly. No, he was flirting! I'm hopeless at it. Instant embarrassment. I just got up because some of my roomies had come home from a night on the town and woke me up. I thought I might as well get up and use the internet, send my sister an email. That is exactly what I was doing when Josh came up to me and introduced himself. He told me he had noticed me earlier. How beautiful I am, my smile, my dimples. Shut up! Thanks but I don't believe you.

Anyway, he asked me into the kitchen for a coffee or tea. I said okay, reluctantly. So I sat there embarrassed out of my mind chatting with him, though not really sure what to say. Did I say I was sitting in my pyjamas at the time? He offered me his jacket and said, "Who says chivalry is dead?" Vomit! I should have said goodnight then. Anyway, before I knew it he was kissing my neck, that's all it took. We were away.

He asked me almost right away if I had a boyfriend. No. Never. He asked if I'd be his girlfriend. He kept asking me. I eventually said yes. (Yeah right!) It's this aspect, wanting to be in a relationship, that really pisses me off.

Edinburgh Hostel Kitchen October 17th 2009
Holiday romance? Let's call it what it is, holiday fuck. Not that it actually got that far but pretty close in one of the shower cubicles. He broke part of the window's wooden panelling. Of course he mocked/joked I did it. That's so lamely male.

Being licked over a goodly portion of my body felt fan-fucking-tastic! I don't know if the sensation was increased because it had been so long or the fact that it was so out of the blue, but yeah that FELT GOOD. Loved it when he licked my back and bottom. It really had gone too far from the start when he started kissing my neck and touching me in the kitchen, BUT the shower cubicle stuff was way too much. Sure my body was up for it but my guilt riddled, uptight mind was screaming, "Stop, enough!"

October 17th 2009 (Later)
I can't stop thinking about him. I mean we didn't catch up last night so I don't know where we stand. (I lost him when he went off to have "the world's fastest shower." I went for a quick wee. I haven't seen him since. Is he pissed off with me?)

The thing is if it was just a shag - which let's face it, is easier - then why did he say all that other stuff? Do you have a boyfriend? Why not? You're beautiful. Will you be my girlfriend? He asked me that constantly. I may just about die of embarrassment if I do seem him again - regardless of the results, be they good or bad - but I also need to know. Does he want me?

Magazine tips I've read and other girlie stuff I've come across (no not like that!) suggest the intensity of his request for me to be his girlfriend, like 2 minutes after introducing himself, is way too needy. Then again I think I lack romantic instincts; that I'm too much of a thinker. The thought, "You don't even know me," coupled with a long list of my short comings and guilty secrets were running through my mind. And Terry. Almost classic Terry in regards to the intensity. How could it work? We're half a world away. There's phones, e-mailing, letters. He had me at letters! If he really wrote them in this day and age I'd marry him like that! *snapping fingers sound*

He was selling himself as a good catch. Good job, fidelity. Although as if you'd ever tell someone you were going to cheat on them in the future. Promises of that tongue and more every night. He seemed genuinely keen but what is he basing it on? Lust.

We haven't exchanged any contact details. I wish we had. He's got me curious. Damn him!

On the slow train to Inverness October 18th 2009, morning.
Because we didn't spend the night together in my bed "just cuddling", like he begged me to, and because I overheard some unflattering views on him I decided not to slip into his bag a postcard note with my email addresses on it. My last night in Edinburgh and he had been moved to my room. I knew which bag was his. In summary he is a terrible flirt, stretching the truth about his job "There's no way he is in the army" I heard them scoff; loads of girls on the go and in my opinion although they couldn't believe his balls at approaching all these women - anything with tits and a pulse as far as I can see - telling them they are beautiful and other cheesy things, they were a little impressed he could do it so easily. Fucking hell. If he wanted a fuck he could have asked. I was going to steal his CV but I just copied the information and contact details instead. I will e-mail him. Hell hath no fury and all that.

All that lying. It's just unbelievable, for a fuck. Why bother? Yeah. I've been thinking about this since I overheard what a bastard he is. It's the lying that hurts. I hate being a sucker. Overhearing he tells every girl he meets they are "beautiful" and other synonyms hurts a lot too. As always, I didn't actually believe him, or rather agree with him. It's being played. Fed a lo
ine. In a word, used. DON'T TELL ME I'M SPECIAL IF I'M NOT! (That's the third time I've cried. Not fun on a train).　

October 18th 2009, evening in Inverness. The email I sent him:

Do you want to be my boyfriend?

Hello Joshua,

Greetings and thanks for the email address. You shouldn't leave your resume laying around if you're not being honest about yourself.

I've been thinking about you a lot today. I overheard some unpleasant things about you this morning, including how you treated me last night in the kitchen. And thinking about our time together it makes sense. (There's only one profession I can think of that does "business" at that time of night). I just wish I hadn't fallen for it.

I really don't care that you're chasing other girls. I mean fair enough, do what you like, I'm not your girlfriend. Get it while you can, if that's what you want. But why not be honest about it? That's what really shits me about this. If you wanted a fuck why didn't you just say so? Holiday "romance," a fling, whatever you want to call it. As long as you're staying in a hostel I would think a quickie with no strings attached would be bloody easy! Why pretend you want anything else? I would LOVE to know the answer to that. However since I'm giving you a well deserved bollocking I doubt I'll hear back from you.

I'm going to say it again, what really pisses me off is you DID lie to me. What was the point of the girlfriend charade? We could have done it and gone on our merry ways. And all that crap about looking up flights to Melbourne. It's even more embarrassing now.

I thought you were going to keep me company last night, that and warm me up. I guess you got a better offer. Why, why, why did you have to fuck up my last night like that?!?!

It's a shame, I was starting to like you.

A kind word of advice if you do keep fucking around wear a condom. You don't know where I've been or what I've done and vice versa. Happy to stay in touch, just pissed off that you lied.

Seriously Josh, look after yourself and the ladies a bit more. Seeing "how deep you can go" is still pretty risky.

Finally, there is one small thanks. I always wanted to do something naughty like that on holiday.

Bye, Amy 　

October 19th, Inverness. His Birthday - You know how I know that? He told me, I asked him was it really and he showed me his passport, because in his words, "He would never lie to me." Yes ladies and gentlemen. The bastard!!! I also noticed his last name didn't look like it was Walker, that's what he told me the first night after asking for mine. I didn't lie. So folks, there were clues all along. Anyway.

I can't believe it. I sent him that postcard and a letter. His e-mail (above) bounced back (twice). Well I wanted him to know. I'm a bit surprised I said yes to priority/next day guaranteed mail. It's like $8 in "real" money. Fuck! I know, but I still need, well want, him to still be there to get it. (And no doubt ignore it). It may look more urgent and important this way. My name isn't on the front but my address is. I wonder how many Australians he's done already? Grr!

I was thinking (again) maybe those men were just a bit jealous at his ability to chat up girls - he isn't shy that's for sure. Still the amount he does it makes him sound like a shit to me.

Now I just wait and see if I get a response. Even if it's just return to sender.

I know, asking a liar to tell the truth, a bit of a wasted journey really, but I had to try. Damn him! He's still on my mind and driving me crazy. (I told you he was good). Of course without some sort of reply I'll never know if he got my letter. Even return to sender would be something.

I should have known from the start. Too needy; too good to be true. I should have known when he went back to playing his PlayStation in the kitchen after getting a call from his "mum" and left the bedroom. I should have known, and I suppose I did, when he never came back after asking me persistently to share my bed and cuddle. I guess she had a better place to "sleep."

Surely you'd spend what time you could with a woman you know is leaving the next day and yet is a woman you want to be your girlfriend. He always went on about that."Will you be my girlfriend?" You can only resist that sexy Scottish accent so long, you know? I said "Yes" and "I'll try," but it was never convincing. I'm a realist and a cynic. When we talked about kids and my opinions thereof he said I was a cynic. Well d'uh! I told him you don't know anything about me. But really, like Daria Morgendorffer - of Daria fame -I prefer to think of myself as a realist.

Why, oh why, did he bother with me? Shyness gets old and irritating fast. (I speak from VAST experience, perhaps more experience then you'd expect considering I am so damn shy, and irritatingly so). Was it some sick game? Christ! It is going to drive me crazy.

No more! Unless I hear from him, somehow, that's it.

I'll leave the last words to Kirsty:
You should never have kissed me, you tasted of deceit
Your perfume was Adultery but I'm not a piece of meat
So I'll be the one that you couldn't acquireI found out in time you're a serial liar