They Should Know (It’s Not A Joke)

I am so mad. Yet also very embarrassed. Tonight was the worst night I’ve ever had at work, and I’ve had to unclog shit. I don’t know how to set the scene. Well just my usual long winded style I suppose. (She wrote long windedly).

Basically this guy, one of the parking inspectors, said something that really offended me. Not to me, but about me and I overheard him. Okay so I was cleaning the elevators, a job I don’t relish, and I was in number 1 which is the only one of the three that goes down to the lower basement. So when the elevator was headed there I knew it would be the inspectors coming up for dinner. They’re usually jolly to me in a group and they may have said "hello, good evening" that sort of thing, I don’t remember. One of them yelled out to the others still outside that I was in there and I had work to do. In response one man said, “The cleaner can wait.” In a tone that was indifferent at best, rude at worse and in no way a bloody “joke.” You see that’s how they tried to explain it to me when I was caught bawling my eyes out.

I am embarrassed that I cried, and worse cried so much, but it was like the last straw. It told me that I don’t count, my time isn’t as important as theirs, my work isn’t as important. Basically I’m nothing. Well I freely admit I feel this way about being a cleaner. It just shits me because as much as I hate my job I do it very well. I’ve put in so much unpaid overtime that I could scream at how unfair it is. I didn’t cry in the elevator. It almost surprised me that I did but once I started I couldn’t stop - not for long anyway - I'd think about it and start again. You see it was nearly 9, my “finishing” time, and I already knew I was going to have to do overtime to get the job done. So that comment was just hurtful, like my time means less then theirs.

To be fair to them they did notice my crying – yea I’m no longer invisible! A man who said he was the team leader asked what was wrong. I told him. And sure it might not sound like that bad a comment but I was SO offended. Which I told him. I told him how hard I work and how much unpaid overtime I do to get things done properly. And he said he knows and they can see that. (Yea finally, acknowledgement! Yes I am being sarcastic). This guy said he’d talk to them. He asked who it was but as I’ve said I only overheard him. Once they were in the elevator they all looked the same to me. These generic middle aged men. There’s a greyness about them that’s reflected in the uniform and their hair. Even if they’re not middle aged the uniform seems to age them. What was I saying?

No I remember. I didn’t know who had said it. The team leader said he’d talk to them. In fact he did as I went back to vacuuming. Before he talked to them he asked if I’d like to sit down for a few minutes - compose myself again I guess - but I said I just wanted to finish and go home. I also mentioned that I have been stressed lately and had a headache. He wanted to know if he should let Spotless know but I said it was okay. I reckon he or someone will tell them anyway.

When I got home my dad was so pissed off. (I think at first he thought it was a sexual comment or threat). He’s going to complain even if I don’t. I might. I should. Then again because I am stressed, and well, super sensitive about my job maybe I did over react. I do think I cry too easily. No, it was rude. My mum said “quit.” How can I when I’m going overseas on Saturday to one of the most expensive places in the world? I want to spend big and enjoy baby! Seriously though, in these times how can I leave without another job to go to? [That’s your cue ABC3. *wink*] At work I thought maybe I could change floors. And man was I glad to be going on holidays. Never mind my anxiety about the trip I want to get away from work.

I hope Friday isn’t too embarrassing. It should be dealt with but....yeah I’m just embarrassed. The team leader said that guy should/would(?) apologise tomorrow if he saw me. As I don’t know which one it was I’m going to be even more tense if someone actually stops to talk to me. I wonder what Spotless will do? Saying my feelings were hurt seems kind of lame to me but my parents think I should make it official. [And quit!]

Okay as I’ve said numerous times already I am embarrassed I cried so much but I do think those parking inspectors should know how I feel. I do believe that. In some way I felt I was crying for all the cleaners who’ve been treated like shit. Whenever I see them my heart goes out to them and yet I’m too scared to say anything to them for fear of coming across condescendingly. Just look at my own experience. People might acknowledge me but often they just walk by. I don’t know which I prefer.